Sunday, February 11, 2018

The Wait

Well. You're never going to believe what happened yesterday, after the day's blog post had already gone to print, as it were, painstakingly pictured and captioned and organized and referencing the dearth of pennies from heaven last week (from SUNDAY to SATURDAY, people!).

Uh. I found a penny. It was at 1:13, according to the time stamp on the picture. I briefly toyed with the idea of pulling that set-to-publish post for Saturday, and writing up a new one. Then I thought, Why would I want to take all that time, pushing back my lunch and lottery scratching, to make things accurate for the three or four (I'm an eternal optimist, by cracky!) people who might actually read it? Why, indeed? So now the Truth in Blogging Law decrees that I must notify you that facts yesterday were incorrect. I DID find a penny that week (from SUNDAY to SATURDAY!), but was too lazy to update my blog. So sue me. Not really! I detest frivolous litigation!

Here it is:


Found at Orb K, at the last minute, less than four hours before my already-written tale was scheduled to post automatically, while I was standing in line waiting for the lone clerk (on a Saturday at lunch time!) to scan my scratcher winners and hopefully provide me more future winners.


This was a 1998 penny, the year famous for The Pony's birth. I toyed with the idea of leaving that single cent. Because I'd already written that day's blog post, and set it to publish. But that wouldn't have been right. I'm glad I didn't leave The Pony hanging like that! Or laying. On a cold tile floor. In front of a rack of Chili Cheese Fritos. I'm sure the ten people in line behind me wouldn't have minded one bit. Too bad, so sad. They should have timed their convenience store visit better.

Anyhoo...I didn't really make them wait extra. My picture-taking and penny-nabbing was done while the lone clerk was scanning the winners and tearing off my new tickets. I don't care one whit that those unfortunate BEHIND-MEs got a glimpse of my ample buttocks as I bent over to pick up my treasure, or that they thought me weird. Maybe one of them needed an idea for a blog post that day. So I was actually providing a valuable service.

Even Steven has a sense of humor, I guess. Because on the way into the store, I'd seen a coin shining out by the welcome mat. It looked like silver, though. But I fully intended to pick it up on the way out. If nobody else snatched it from under my nose. That's what was on my mind as I walked past the long line of BEHIND-MEs waiting to pay. Good, I thought. They'll be tied up there a while, and won't be coming out the door while I'm standing there taking a picture and picking up my second coin. Out I went, holding the door open for a borderline Millennial who actually thanked me.

Got my picture.


Leaned over to pick up my coin, which I still couldn't quite decide whether was of the dime or nickel persuasion.


WHAT THE NOT-HEAVEN?

That was not a coin at all, but a bedazzle bead that must have fallen off somebody's purse. It was like a domed clear gem on one side, and a flat black sticky-panel side on the other. Not gonna lie. I was pretty embarrassed to be bamboozled like that. But I didn't want to let on to my BEHIND-ME audience that might have been watching from inside. So I pocketed that gem, and walked it all the way around back to T-Hoe. Where I tossed it to the cold hard faded blacktop of the parking lot.

I didn't regret until I was at home, in my dark basement lair typing on New Delly, that I had not gotten a closeup of that coin-impersonator. Maybe you can zoom in and see it, maybe not. C'mon! Admit it! YOU would have been tricked, too! It looks just like a silver coin. Especially if a person (cough, cough, VAL) is not wearing prescribed vision-enhancers.

Maybe somebody out there is collecting bedazzle beads found in parking lots.
It's meant for them.
_____________________________________________________________________

For 2018: Penny #12.
For 2018: Dimes still at #4, 5

For 2018: Nickel still at #1

Since 2017 (the beginning), this was Penny # 90.
Since 2017 (the beginning), still at Dimes #10, 11.
Since 2017 (the beginning), still at Nickel #1.
_____________________________________________________________________

 Oh, yeah...that title? Just a slight bit of plagiarism. It's sincere flattery, you know.

The Wait

I pulled into Orb K, was sad about lack of cents

Lucky I’ve got a blog that allows me a space for vents

Even Steven can you tell me, where a gal can find a coin 
“That’s a super secret club, that you have yet to join.”


Here’s a penny for you, pick it up it’s free

Here’s a penny for you, Heaven-sent by way of me



I picked up that cent, after snapping a quick photo

Even though 10 people were lined up, waiting for me to go

Too bad, so sad, though…I pocketed that cent

Maybe someone above...was sending me a hint



Here’s a penny for you, pick it up it’s free

Here’s a penny for you, Heaven-sent by way of me



On out the door then, I spied another shine

I bent down to pick it up, so I could make it mine

Even Steven my friend, what are you doin’ now

"Don’t even worry Val, about the why or how."



Here’s a penny for you, pick it up it’s free

Here’s a penny for you, Heaven-sent by way of me



Steven, you have evened me, I see this one’s a fake

"Val, you should know by now, it’s about the give and take."

Ol’ Steve, my friend, I’m learnin’ kinda slow

He said, “That’s okay Val, get back in your T-Hoe."



Here’s a penny for you, pick it up, it’s free

Here’s a penny for you, Heaven-sent to you through me

Driving T-Hoe home, and contemplating fate 
Do we have a time to go, an expiration date
If I could look mine up, I don't believe I'd dare
I'll let fate steer me as I'm meant to be then and there

Here's a penny for you, pick it up, it's free
Here's a penny for you, Heaven-sent to you through me

Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Every week. As long as I can type. Put those lighters away. No encores. T-shirts and CDs are available for purchase on the way out.

12 comments:

  1. You keep talking about an ample backside and my thirteen-year-old-self (stolen from a certain valedictorian) really wants to make a joke about taking a load off fannie, but...I got nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh, heh! You got the stolen song reference, though.

      Delete
  2. Val--Have you thought about touring with Weird Al?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well...no. Because I hate to share the spotlight. And what kind of tour would be called Weird Al and Weird Val? A tour for WEIRDOS, that's what kind!

      Delete
  3. LOVE the poem :)
    I've walked across parking lots and other places tracking something shiny that caught my eye, just in case it is a coin I can pick up. Most of them turn out to be shiny bottle caps or earrings, which I leave just where they are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Truth in Blogging Law requires me to inform you that it is not so much a POEM as the (altered) lyrics I ripped off from "The Weight," the song made famous by The Band.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFqb1I-hiHE

      Delete
  4. Did you buy some of them new Doritos for women? Oh, that's right. They've always been there. They're called . . . Doritos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. I am not a fan of Doritos, and even targeted marketing won't make me buy them. They make your fingers and your breath smell like vomit. IMO.

      In fact, when they come in the multi-pack of snacks with Cheetos and Lays and Fritos and Sun Chips...we feed them to the dogs. So I have to actually shop around to find multi-packs WITHOUT Doritos!

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Any penny is accepted, because it's obviously meant for me! This would just prove all those people wrong, when they said, "Who's gonna pay you a penny, Val, when they can get your blog for free?"

      Delete
  6. Well take that show in the road, Val. Toss Doritos into the crowd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My most likely venues would be doctors' offices waiting rooms, during the height of flu season. Pretty sure I could have a standing room only crowds. But the audience might be the ones tossing their Doritos.

      Delete