Friday, September 8, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #75 "Snitches Get Mitches"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, Val takes a look a the criminal justice system, and the denizens who dwell there. Remember that kid in grade school who always ratted out your clever pranks? The goody-goody who took law and order just a bit too far? Now he's booked for a lengthy stay in the Cross-Bars Hilton. What circumstances put him there? Get Val's newest fake book now to find out--by legal means, not a five-finger discount!


Snitches Get Mitches

Mitchell Rich spent his formative years making sure those in authority knew of any and all infractions perpetrated by his peers. They did not appreciate his candor. Now a peer from Mitch's past has perjured himself to assure that Mitch spends 8-10 in medium security.

Hardened criminals have never received a better gift than Mitch. Prison personnel have developed a habit of housing Mitch in the cell of the latest snitch. Reasoning, perhaps, that birds of a feather are comfortable bunking together. The snitches have zipped their lips. "Tick a lock" is the new mantra on the cell block.

Will Mitch be vindicated and released when a law class investigates his case? (112 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

A Little Bird..."I didn't tell anyone anything! I swear! Some people just have a knack for sensing things. They're psychic. But because they don't want to be ridiculed for their special power, they say I told them stuff. Please let the record show that I did NOT tell Thevictorian how to write."

Catbird..."Not sure who this Mitch guy is, but if Thevictorian thinks she's sitting in my seat, she's got another think coming! Her writing isn't fit to line my nest!"

Polly, wanting a cracker badly..."I didn't turn State's witness. No siree, Bob! I was just repeating what I heard. I have a bad habit of doing that. Some people find it endearing. Unlike Thevictorian's writing."

Canary..."I don't know when singing like me became a bad thing. It makes me kind of depressed thinking about it. Like maybe I just want to give away my perch and my shiny mirror, and go down in a coal mine and not come back. It's the kind of feeling I get when I read any fake book by Thevictorian. It's how she, herself, should feel. I'm pretty sure I could arrange a tour of a coal mine for her."

Shultz..."I know nothing! Most of all, I know nothing about how Thevictorian got this fake book fake published! Nothing!"

Judy Hensler..."This Mitch guy was framed. It's not against the law to tell the truth! I used to tell it every chance I got. Thankfully, Miss Landers knew I was telling the truth, even when Beaver Cleaver skipped school and won a bicycle. I'm glad I didn't end up at the Cross-Bars Hilton. Can't say the same for Thevictorian. She reminds me of Eddie Haskell."

TV Show Tattletales..."I gave the couples the easier question ever. I'll never forget the audience reaction when Bobby Van matched the answer of Elaine Joyce to the question: 'What is the worst fake book you ever fake read?' And he said, 'Thevictorian's Snitches Get Mitches.'"

10 comments:

  1. Mitch is going to get his tail feathers plucked in prison if he tries to read this crap to his cellmates.

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    1. But he's just doing a good deed! He's selfless like that. He probably doesn't even think about his tail feathers.

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  2. Polly wanting a cracker... made me cackle. Woman, how do you come up with this? I'm telling you, turn these into a book.

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    1. I guess I could always title it: "Sh*t My Negative Reviewers Say."

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  3. Judy Hensler? Your memory IS like a steel jaw trap. Thanks for playing. (I finally posted. Yikes!)

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    1. I live in the past. I'm pretty well on my way to fossilization these days.

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  4. I'm not sure how long Mitch is going make it in prison once he starts snitching on the snitches, heck Ole Todd may even get in on the action here.

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    1. A leopard cannot change its spots, and Mitch can't ditch the snitching. Those prison snitches will suffer until they serve Mitch his just desserts.

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  5. Darn tattle tales!! Prison is going to be tough for the snitches!

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    1. It's hard in there for a snitch. Maybe one of them can write a song about it...

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